Digimon: Dial Up!

PREPARE FOR AN ADVENTURE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE! OR RATHER YOU HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO EVERY DIGIMON SEASON LIKE EVER!

...okay so this is more like...a coping mechanism at this point. One I thought we wouldn't need! Because American dubbing has made strides! It really has!

...and then....and then Digimon Fusion. Mikey. Yule. ZACHARIAH. I can't deal, you guys.

So. In the (broken) spirit of the DNA TAMERS DUB VERSION. I GIVE YOU.

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DIGIMON: DIAL UP -- THE DUB

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We're not even going to touch yet the fact that the name would, inevitably, be needlessly changed, because hell, if they made Savers into fuckin' DATA SQUAD, they can find a way to screw up "Dial Up". X_X; I'll leave that theorizing up to someone braver. Like Cam. >_____>; At least we might keep Mirai Island? Maybe? They kept Odaiba in Adventure...; 3;

Don't know about the faction names, either, though I assure you that Daedalus is going to lose the "Initiative" part of its name and in no way would it be connected to the government, good Lord, no! These are bad guys! >_> We can't have the people trying to take over the Digital World be connected to the authorities! What sort of lesson is that for the children? That and Stability as the name for the vampire faction? HA! Try TEAM DRACULA! Or like..."TEAM BLOODMOON"...no, blood... Oooh, TEAM DARKMOON!

Maybe all the factions are just Teams! Team Darkmoon...Team Daedalus...Team Crown...Team...no, Freelancers isn't gonna fly. Team Liberty!

But enough of that! Let's get down to the real meat! Let's get down to Character Names.

First off, "Akurei"? Ahahahahahaha no, the kids are never going to read that mouthful of a name. Let's give him a nice short one. Can't call him Aku, they'll think he's that guy from Samurai Jack. No, let's call him Ray! Ray Nagisa! Yeah, that sounds good! Also, he never smoked. He just really liked lollipops back in the day. And we've gotta tone down that nastiness! Just make him like the average Sasuke-dub-level emo misunderstood jerk guy. He's all upset because his uncle got hurt doing police work and had to move away!

Hmm..."Loki"? Pfffff no that's an Avengers villain. Let's make him Lance! Lance and Ray Nagisa! And he's really shy, not albino. He just is afraid people will think he's a girl or something. That's the ticket! He's shy because his brother is so mean.

Their father...is ..."Gendou" doesn't even sound like a boy, much less a villain! Let's call him "Gerald!" Gerald is just a bad man. One-note villain, that guy. He just hates all Digimon and wants to take over the Digital World with the power of Team Daedalus! He also talks like Aizen about how many plans he has and how everything is just a "setback".

Hunter, well, he can keep the name, but "Vorse?" That's not Native American, sheesh! He's gotta be like..."Hunter Eagle". There we go, that sounds Native. Also he brings up how Native he is and talks about buffalo and shit all the time. Like, every five minutes. Gotta remind people, y'know. In case they forget.

Oh and we haven't even touched on the Digimon yet! Umbromon?! That sounds scary and complicated! Let's just call him Shadowmon. Kids'll remember that one....Hmmm...What do we call "Corvusmon", MagicCrowmon?

X_X ...oh God. I gotta take a break from this. Cam, Jess, you take it for a post. ; 3;

>_> First off, it's called... drumroll...

DIGIMON CELLULAR

Cuz we gotta sell cellphone toys. No excuses. Dial Up would have worked but people might associate that with dial up internet connections and we can't have the kids wonder what the fuck THAT is.

Let's get this straight. Everyone, yes, is a TEAM. TEAMWORK WILL SAVE THE DAY FROM THE EVIL ROYAL KNIGHTS. THEY HAVE CAPTURED YGGDRASIL'S CORE! NOW THE SECRETIVE DJ DIGIFORCE.

The DJ: WHAT!??!

Agito Soma is now Agito "Aggy" Soma. He... oh wow... Gotta work on him. Ringmon gave him the power to walk, that's a Jesus thing.

Mishima "Dagrus" Dagashin is now Russel Mishima. He is a street racer with a love of puppies.

Nakamura Tetsuo is now Tennyson Nakamura, a scary teacher. >.> He has a love of water guns. Prepare for a lot of recoloring. A LOT.

Kasumi A.K. McDougal is now Bridget McDougal, a perky goth girl. >_> May have to edit down some chest size.

Jace Allen is... Jace Allen. No need to "Americanize" an already English name. Maybe they will play with Canadian stereotypes and have him talk like these hosers.



Well, and the whole dying from his Digital Enhancement will be a problem. Maybe the dubbers will send him to a dungeon. No, wait! Make it Fun-geon! We can't scare the kiddies with the image of Jace being chained to a wall as tempting as it may be.

Jace: HEY! >_<

x-x good gosh... this... this... Alright. LETS TAKE A QUACK AT IT THEN!!!!

Michael S. Drayous... >-> ... No idea how that name could be changed. However, what Mike was? Oh yeah, he's not a mercenary, he's just some ex-swat guy that likes toy guns and video games. Oh and let's don't forget about his DE. It's not reading souls/LoE and seeing racks between boundries, it's just paints someone red or blue when they are lying or not.

As for Plinimon... change her to look more like a penguin than a Prinny. BECAUSE KIDS DON'T KNOW WHAT PRINNIES ARE! PEOPLE ARE STUPID! ALL HAIL PRINNIES DOOD!!!! *HEADWALL!*

*ahem* ANywho.

Isabella Von Dras-Izen? May have to change that Izzy Von Izen. She's just some poor girl that gained bat wings due to her parnter. And she isn't a blood sucking, LoE craving hazard time bomb that can control crystals and FIRE BULLET HELLS! She's just a girl that like crystals and EVERYTHING SHINY!

Her partner? Impfelmon? NOPE! Let's go with Impymon! Cuaze that sounds better and can make him more child friendly and not an evil, backstabbing, ASS he truely is. He's just that guy that doesn't like everyone and likes to draw emo pictures.

Tokiomi Disward? How about Harvy Disward. AKA Crown Magician. Not Crown Magus. No, No. Gotta keep it with what kids like. What he likes... >->;; won't change since it is kid friendly... maybe. His DE may need work as well.

Now his partner? Maybe Kid Squiremon? Why? Dulancemon is to hard to say. Even his adult form will need reworking to something more appropriate to a funny black knight. SOMETHING LIKE THE BLACK KNIGHT IN MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL!

The rest of my cast? They'll need work. Major work.

Oh God we haven't even mentioned the editing that would have to be done. Every outfit that's even remotely fanservice-y? That's gone. That is out the fucking proverbial window. Girls, you better love bike shorts and pants under your skirts. Also, no blood. Ever. No one ever gets hurt or burned or GOD FORBID killed. No one is getting killed, this is a DIGIMON show. They just move away or get locked in the Dark Area or something.

Also, as Cam and I discussed on Skype but forgot to mention here (dur), Light of Evolution is NOT a thing. No. That light you see them produce? That's called DigiForce, obviously. Yes, DJ DigiForce named himself after it. Why? Because.

Malcolm stays more or less untouched, except his skill with guns is gone, he's got no relation to the Intelligence Bureau, and he basically acts like a thug all the time. Droidemon is now a constant source of bad computer jokes and puns. He tells people to Google things at inappropriate times.

ALSO: thanks to a handy observation by Mariah, Corvusmon's dub name is now MERLINMON. Patagomon stays the same because we already have a Penguinmon, but his German accent is amped up beyond 11 and he uses terms like "Vienerschnitzel" like swear words.

Hmmm....let's tackle the THESEUS-XIII, who are just called the Zodiac Squad in the dub. For one thing, General Boris Kolenkhov? A Russian as the cool, entropy-power-wielding, Zen-mindset mentor commander guy? I THINK NOT. Let's make him something less threatening. Like...ooooh, a Frenchman. Colonel Maurice Beauregard. And his partner is SwordAgunimon. Why not just Sworddramon? SHUT UP IS WHY.

Oh and I hope you didn't think those uniforms are really malleable caaaaaauuuuuse they're not.

Hahahahahaa Daikyuu Yairu? NO. Try YANCY DARLING. A completely insufferable and effete Englishman who drinks tea all the time and says "I SAY!" and "PIP PIP!" But he's not gay! Goodness me no. He's just really girly. Gay people aren't real and they CERTAINLY aren't in Digimon seasons. Also his partner is Peregrinemon. Peregryphomon is confusing!

ESEWARAI SUZUHANA? What kind of foreign nonsense drivel is that?! If we MUST keep a Japanese name for him let's call him Eston Suzuki. Also, since Digimon gender is not a thing, he just has a Keramon with weird markings. That turns into Cipheramon. Yep. Why? Because we fucking well said so and Cipheramon's in too many battle sequences to edit them all into Chrysalimon! Oh, and he definitely doesn't have any guns or knives or spy expertise. He's just weird and creepy. Like the Joker.

Speaking of his Vice-Captain, you'd think we'd edit her up to be more ghetto, but what's this? Her backstory says she's from Africa? Excellent! Her name is Nkombe Moloku, and she's blind not because of a Digimon-related incident in her village in Somalia, but because of a shamanic ritual! You know, because everyone who lives in Africa belongs to a mystic tribe. T_T; She sees using "the spirits", speaks in rhyme a la Zecora from My Little Pony, and the licking and sniffing is just because she doesn't understand modern culture. Yep. Oh, and TENODERAMON?! Hahahahahaha! Try Mantismon.

Sonny is probably pretty safe. He's just called Sonny Kwan now and is just silent and imposing with no character development. Oh, and YAMIKUMAMON? NOOOOO nooo noo. ShadowBearmon. Or DarkBearmon.

Ooooh, thinking about it, "Team Daedalus" is a little too mythological. Don't want that, really...plus they keep making references to ICARUS Section...WAIT! TEAM ICARUS! Perfect.

OH! CAM! We came up with what Digimon lose in DIGIMON CELLULAR!

See, in Digimon Tamers the dub, Digimon didn't have gender! In Digimon DATA SQUAD, Digimon can't control or harness their emotions! NOW in Digimon Cellular, Digimon can't be friends with each other! They have to be friends with humans who wish for it! 8D Because only when they learn how to have human friends do they produce DigiForce! That's right, DigiForce is literally the power of friendship now.

What about scenes where Light of Evo--er, DigiForce is produced by people who obviously aren't feeling friendly? That's DARK DigiForce, duh. It comes from loneliness.

Helena? Well she becomes Helen O'Rourke, and she's a champion Irish step dancer! And a complete sweetheart who hates fighting and always lets her WhiteKnightmon fight for her sake!

Kuuhaku? A clone? OH GOOD LORD NO. Can't we edit her out? No, wait, she's the enigmatic AGITA! Yes! Agita Kuuha, a lonely girl who wants to be like her hero Aggy! Unfortunately she was kidnapped by Gerald and told that if she wants to be a hero like Aggy she has to fight on his Zodiac Squad and help capture Digimons. She has her two...fuck, what would we call the Genomon? Can't keep that name, or imply they've really got like...souls or anything...

Akurei Nagisa wrote:Kuuhaku? A clone? OH GOOD LORD NO. Can't we edit her out? No, wait, she's the enigmatic AGITA! Yes! Agita Kuuha, a lonely girl who wants to be like her hero Aggy! Unfortunately she was kidnapped by Gerald and told that if she wants to be a hero like Aggy she has to fight on his Zodiac Squad and help capture Digimons.

Will she ask Argentina not to cry for her?

Ben, I love you, man. XDD

DON'T FORGET TEAM SERENITY! CUZ THEY'LL NEED LOVE TO!

DE (Digital Enhancement) is now called Digiforce Power. So what does that make Finalize? That is SUPER DIGIFORCE POWER.

For example.

Aggy Soma: A bright but shy student, he has the Digiforce Power "Mega Kick", allowing him super power in his legs to jump high and kick hard! His partner is Ringmon, a scrappy Dragon Digimon with a love of adventure and pizza! Seriously, he constantly mentions pizza, and even sings about it.

Bridget MacDougal: A perky goth obsessed with vampires, she likes to make quotes from Twilight and likes scary movies. She in no way ever had a near death experience at a young age, was birthed as part of a wager, and has never done very not nice things to obtain power like orchestrating rebellions, defaming authority, sabotage, slept with people of either gender, or blackmailed those in power. Her Digiforce Power is "Dracula Eyes" and her partner is Batgirlmon. She likes comic books!


Russel Mishima: A hothead with a love of racing, he has the DigiForce Power "Ultra Fist", giving him super powered punches. His Digimon partner is Shadowdramon, a prankster. Totally not a pervert. Totally.

Note: He lives with his uncle, Rohan Mishima, as his actual father, Steven Mishima, is away on business. So yeah, any time you see Steven in town, he's VISITING. No way that he dumped his son off on his brother because he couldn't control him, no.

Oh, and Dag's bespectacled alias as "Shin" is his identical cousin Douglas. >.>

Kanzaki Ryota...nice boy, but that name! How about Reginald "Ren" Kanzaki! He is Crown Beast of Team Crown! Until his accident... then he becomes Cpt. Regulus Blaze of the Zodiac Squadron of Team Icarus! We'll just sweep under the rug his initial infection, his identity issues, and the series of brainwashing and torturous experimentation done upon his body. His Digiforce Power is "Proud Blaze", and his partner is FlameLeomon.

Roxie Soma: Aggy's big sister, who is totally only into guys. In fact she is flighty and boy crazy and has her room covered in boy posters. Big into fashion, wants to be a movie star, and her Digiforce Power is "Power Down". Her partner is Bloommon, who acts like a butler and not an almost fanatically loyal knight with a blood grudge against his creator. BY THE WAY. The Bloommon and Rosamon were born naturally, and were not in fact created by Hi-SpecKuwagamon. Oh. I'm sorry. I meant DoctorBeetlemon.

Oh gee whilickers WHATEVER shall we do with the TWINS!? 8D