Cold comfort.

[Benjamin]

Well, I actually did something I never believed that I would do: I effectively torched a long time friendship. To give you some background I had this friend since early childhood (according to him) and we were friends up through high school. He moved to Calgary and lived there from 2005 to 2011, moved to Lethbridge, and we both moved up to Calgary nearly two years ago. That is when things changed for the worse and I began to realize a certain "inequity" in the friendship.

He convinced that we needed to get furniture for the new place using credit in MY name despite my reservations. I think the assumption was this was going to be a long-term arrangement so I never spoke up, never defended myself, and went along with it. We also had these "talks" where he would dominate the conversation and I would simply retreat into my own mind because the advice gave was glib. He spoke as if he had all the answers and that I could never be right, that I was somehow the idiot that needed his "enlightenment" because his views were the most learned ones. (Nevermind the fact that he never completed any post-secondary education, while I have a Bachelor's.)

I could never depend on him for any sort of empathy when I was struggling with depression for the past while. His only advice was to find myself full-time work, something that is not easy when Alberta's resource-based economy is in a tailspin and people are losing their houses. He could not understand why I lashed out at him when he told me that he was moving to another place with the other roommates. We were still friends afterwards, but things were never the same after that.

Fast-forward to a couple of days ago, where I wrote a lengthy rant on Facebook over my disarray with the state of the world. He replied by claiming I was paranoid and that is when the shit really hit the fan. He made the ironic accusation that I do not even try to see other perspectives when he NEVER tried to see my perspective. I pointed out that he was attacking me and not my argument--hell, he never addressed the content of my argument, and he went berserk and acted indignant.

He unfriended on Facebook, but I feel conflicted over it. On one hand, I feel relieved. The friendship had grown toxic a long time also. After so many years of giving in and deferring to him, I was able to stand my ground and regained a bit of my self-respect. I feel that I can finally move forward, but on the other hand, I still torched a friendship to be able to do so. I honestly do not know how to feel.

[MasterDJ]

If you feel any sort of relief in cutting this particular thread, then hold on to that feeling. I'm sorry you had to torch this relationship and lord knows we've all had to cut one or ten over the course of our years, but I really don't see any pros in keeping in contact with this asshole if his MO is to make you feel inferior.

Give it a few days and you'll wonder why you even liked the guy in the first place.

[Yoshino Shurensuki]

I absolutely agree with Cam on this. I definitely feel much better now than when I was in those terribly toxic relationships. Just hang in there! ♡

[ Post made via Android ]

[Benjamin]

I definitely feel like I can let go of the anger and bitterness that I have felt for the last couple of years.

[Sterl-Goldclaw]

Have to agree with Cam. No friend should have to make a friendship toxic. That is just taking advantage over someone right there. But yeah. You'll feel better about cutting that thread. And things get better foe you dude.

[ Post made via Android ]