SUPER BIG GAME BOWL XLIX: A CLASH OF KINGS

[Akurei Nagisa]

WELCOME TO TERMINAL ANALOG SPORTS NETWORK :: BRINGING THE DIGITAL WORLD THE FINEST SPORTS NEWS ABOUT HUMAN SPORTS

Mittens: Welcome back to TASN! o 3o As always, I'm your host, Mittens the Wormmon, coming to you live from our studio in Terminal City! And joining me are, of course, our human sports expert, Agito Kuuhaku, and our prime correspondent, Yama! It's time once again for this year's premiere triple awesome human sports event, the Super Big Game Bowl!! Excitement is in the air! Also perspiration! And the big brown thing.

Kuuhaku: Yes. Since last year, Mittens-san, we have confirmed that the big brown thing is in fact a "Grid Iron-Foot ball". I believe the reference is to the name of its inventor? Nagisa-inchou was unclear on that point. He was, however, educational about cheerleaders.

Mittens: o 3o Right, right, because of Shu-kun's mom! Maybe we should have her as a guest on the show?

Kuuhaku: No. She is allergic to Yamainumon fur. Also she believes in a "Bat Dog".

Yama: ......Mittens-saaaaaaannnn?

Mittens: Uh, yes, Yama? o 3o;;

Yama: Are you the Muffin Master? 9 39

Mittens: ....what? Why? @_@

Yama: I heard your real name was Mittens the Muffin Master McKenzie. 9 39

Mittens: ...Wh-No! X_X Look, we're here to talk about human sports combat! Let's be serious here!

Yama: *whine* ;___;

Kuuhaku: *clears throat* You are correct, Mittens-san. The Super Big Game Bowl, indeed, is tomorrow, and everyone at the studios is extremely excited. Last year, we were unclear on the purpose of the ball; thanks to extensive studies*, however, I have learned that the goal of the game is to make "touchdowns" by destroying the Grid Iron-Foot ball in the Ending Zone, and also to convert the "non-touch" "downs", which are numbered.

Mittens: o 3o Also, the big human gladiator men try to hurt each other with their faces and make huge piles!

Kuuhaku: Yes. The "non-touch downs" are decided by pitched combat to first blood. Conversions can only be made by winning the melee.

Mittens: u 3u These are super excellent insights, Kuuhaku-chan, and I am triple glad you've shared them with us.

Kuuhaku: I am glad my studies have assisted the network.

Mittens: Now, to introduce the two opposing factions in this tournament of human death masters, we go live in the field to our correspondent, Thanatos al-Azrad. Thanatos?

* * *

Umbromon: Thank you, Mittens-san. This year, the aggressors are the New England Patriots. Swanson-san has been heard to call them "the Great Enemy" and "the Black Legions of Mordor". They are a force that has come here to Arizona to conquer and destroy, and they are lead by their terrible chieftain Brady, who is approximately 35 feet tall and possessed of a hard carapace covered in spines; he has foresworn the act of mating in order to better harness the black feelings of rage within his heart, and dreams only of blood. At his side is an unreasonably giant human, known only as Gronk, his mighty right hand.

Yama: O_O They sound super scary! Aaaaaaaa! Kuuhaku, is this all true?

Kuuhaku: *nods* ...I am uncertain as to Tom Brady's actual height, but it seems a likely approximation. His role as a destroyer is well documented, however.

Umbromon: The power of the Patriots is such that their dark aura sucked some of the life energy from the Grid of Iron-Foot during their penultimate supremacy match, and they had to pay homage in blood to the Reh'Faris. u 3u

Mittens: Fascinating. o 3o Who defends the world of light against them?

Umbromon: That would be the Seattle Seahawks. While their leader, Russell, is a hobbit, they are bound together by friendship and brotherhood, and they are in possession of a powerful and secret weapon.

Kuuhaku: Yes. He is Marshawn Lynch, and I believe he is a prototype Evangelion Unit. Or a Digimon in Live Disguise. It accounts for his ability to Mode Change, however.

Umbromon: My fellow correspondent, Elegy, was to interview Lynch-san and gain a gladiator's stirring and blood-soaked perspective, but he was only able to iterate that he is being extorted by an evil man, over and over. u_u If I learn who is extorting him, I will spill their heart's blood.

Yama: But why would they....why would you X his torte? ; 3; That's rude!

Kuuhaku: It is because the Seahawks fight for justice, Yama-chan. There will always be those who oppose such a goal. Swanson-san said Justin-san is one of them.

Mittens: Gosh, I'm super triple excited. o 3o; I hope the Seahawks win the down-touching death battle!!

Kuuhaku: u 3u Indeed. But for now, let us open the floor to our viewers.

((This is a continuation of a wonderful tradition god damnit. Screw you if you don't like it.

*: ALL FACTS VERIFIED** BY GRAHAM SWANSON
**: PROBABLY WHILE DRUNK))

[Benjamin]

Jace: Um... go Stamps?

Yeah, not really playing too much attention to be honest. Waiting for the NHL playoffs. >_>

[Yoshino Shurensuki]

I don't really care much about or for footbal/handball/Gladitorial Combat either, but it's hard not to pay attention when your city's the one attending the field of combat and the people of said city celebrate that fact very loudly outside your window.

The streets will be covered in blood and booze if the Seahawks claim a victory in the ring again this year.

............TBH I'm waiting for Baseball's Opening Day. GO ORIOLES!!

T oT/

RAAAAAAAWR.

[Crescent]

Adelaide: ; 3; I don't think this is how football works, but I think I'm gonna go wait on the Shai-Hulud during this just in case.

Magimon: Would you like to hear that again, Adelaide? u_u

Adelaide: *Mashes B* ; 3;

[MasterDJ]

Dagrus: >___>;;; Do I really need to make a power point on how football works?

Soma: ^^; Let them have their fun, Dag-san.

Dagrus: T_T Tom Brady is not 35 friggin' feet tall. NO ONE is that tall.

Genomon: >_> Game would be more fun if that was true, though.

Dagrus: THAT'S IT! I'M MAKING A POWER POINT!

[Akurei Nagisa]

Akurei: Given that they have a sports network, Dag, we may be too late. =_=

Loki: ^ 3^; Maybe it doesn't have any viewership?

Hermes: 8D Oh man, TASN is on! I fuckin' love TASN!

Akurei: ....=_____=;;;; You and apparently 8.9 million other Digimon.

Nyarlathmon: 8D Like me!

Akurei: *face in hands*

[MasterDJ]

Dagrus: The league is doomed. -___-;;;

Soma: ^^;;; There there...

[Crescent]

GroLiomon: It's one of my favorite channels o 3o

Nana: It may be a bit inaccurate, but their version of the game does sound pretty fun, actually... ^^

[Yoshino Shurensuki]

Luxos: Oniisama! Oniisama! I have heard that a great silence has befallen Seattle... Precisely one car and one woman passed through the streets, honking, and screaming. I have taken this to mean a great tragedy has befallen the people... v_v

Aph: >_> You asked me to Google the score.

Luxos: *seems to ignore Aph's commentary* The greater Oracle has passed on to me the result of the clash of the Kings... I bring forth news that the city of New England has won the right not to be ravaged by Yamainumon.

The lights then go out and Luxos is left holding a candle. Loud crashing and squawking echoes from another room.

Hikaru: Godforsaken-- WHO CUT THE POWER?!

Janus: Master said if the Seahawks were to lose, that we should kill the lights.

Hikaru: .....Why would...?!

Janus: Because then the wolves wouldn't see the house to eat it. ; ^;

Hikaru: I'M GOING TO MURDER THAT OLD BIRD. T__T

Janus: M-Master also said that he would be... v-vacationing in Hawaii... for the next week... ; A;

Sounds of a kerfuffle make Luxos look to the side and blink... The green-skinned, elven Sidhemon taps her on the shoulder from the other direction and makes her jump, dropping her candle... which Alice catches. >_>;

Alice: T_T Can someone tell me why the fuse box is a melted lump of metal and wires? Sir Gabriel yelled something about werewolves and dove under his bed with his rosary.

Luxos: The Yamainumon are coming. The lights were snuffed in hopes of not being discovered and eaten, Alice-sama.

Alice: ...So... What, they're bringing Weregarurumon with them?

Luxos: o_o I had not thought of that possibility. It makes sense that the Yamainumon would bring their companion wolves to consume a town. ;_;

Alice: T_T ......nope.

She turns on her heel and walks off with Luxos' candle.

Luxos: W-Wait! A-Alice-sama! C-Come back!!

* * *
Yamainumon, watching the screen intently, realizes she and the others are back on-air.

Yama: .....Suki-san told me I wasn't allowed to eat buildings, though... So~.... does this mean when my sisters come, we're just eating everyone's food? *tilts head* o 3o?